Action/Adventure

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Forget about the nukes, what about the caribou?!

I know this site has seen more than its fair share of Metal Gear-related stuff not so long ago, but finally getting my hands on The Twin Snakes, after all the hype, was quite a momentous experience. If I was somewhat apprehensive about Assassin’s Creed in the combat department, the feeling was at least doubled concerning the Metal Gear series. In hindsight of the first game, I can say that most of my fears were confirmed, but they were also, to a great extent, compensated.

I picked Twin Snakes on Joshie’s special recommendation, as he said that the controls would be more user-friendly than in the original…Well, if that was user-friendly, then I don’t even want to imagine what the PSX version was like. Seriously, it took me about 5 resets to get through the first area of the game, simply because of the clunkiness of the controls. First of all, the radar is tiny, and in situations where there’s a walkway guarded by a surveillance camera above you, for example, it’s practically IMPOSSIBLE to see the camera’s field of vision from below. Things like that really make sneaking around a chore. As does the preternatural hearing prowess of the soldiers, when coupled with metallic floors and the *wonderful* precision of the Gamecube joystick. Secondly, who the hell came up with the button combinations? I swear, you have to take notes in order to be able to hold someone up. It doesn’t help that, being a completionist, I simply *had* to go dog tag hunting. Another one on the dodgy manoeuver list was the “jump-out shot”: don’t think I’ve ever managed to do one. And lastly, a massive “screw you” goes out to Vulcan Raven (for both the fights involving him) and to Liquid’s fisticuff techniques (“Ima hitchu!...NOT!”).

But the compensation for the sketchiness of the controls and battle mechanics comes in the form of the storyline and characters. I’ve yet to discover whether this is a trait shared by all MGS games, but I can definitely say that the single defining characteristic of The Twin Snakes is its ability to be deadly serious and completely ridiculous at the same time. People may tell you that the game is epic. I’ll tell you that this is exactly why it’s epic.

Examples abound. Take Snake himself, for example. Yes, he’s a badass who can take out an entire military facility and a nuke-laden tank all on his own (multiple times). But then, he comes up with the following gems:

Campbell: “We have to destroy Metal Gear.”
Snake: “Metal Gear?”

Anderson: “There’s a PAL code.”
Snake: “PAL code?”

Otacon: “You can call me Otacon.”
Snake: “Otacon?”

And so on. I swear that Naomi’s little pre-mission nano-cocktail—which, among other things, was supposed to improve Snake’s mental abilities—had reverse effects. However, on a different note, I was surprised at his readiness to hit on just about anything with a pair of boobs. I always figured he’d be more of the “outta my way, woman” kind, not the “hey babe, how you doin’?” one, and certainly not the “zomg, getcha hands offa my ladeh!” one. I didn’t expect him to become such a sucker for Meryl. And I certainly didn’t expect the astounding display of terminal cheesiness that was the ‘proper’ ending of the game (“the caribou are beautiful in the spring, Meryl”). Heck, it almost felt out-of-character to me, even after having had the whole game to get used to him.

Two other beautiful examples can be found in the fights against Revolver Ocelot and Psycho Mantis. The first one, a cowboy-styled maniac gun virtuoso who has just tortured a poor guy within an inch of his life and rigged him with explosives, introduces himself by going: “Revolver…*twirls his gun*…*twirls it some more*…*flips it over his shoulder*…*twirls it for about 3 more minutes* …Ocelot”. The other, a creepy, emaciated, mind-reading, telekinetic freak who completely shatters the disturbing aura that’s been building up around him by going “you seem to like The Legend of Zelda”, breaking the 4th wall and smattering the entire fight with references to the game’s developers, such as the infamous Hideo Blackout.

Some more examples include Meryl’s 180° turn from “I wanna be a soldier! And I’m not interested in men!” to “War is bad! Snake, let’s go get it on instead!” within about 30 minutes, or the over-the-top theatricality of the second confrontation with Sniper Wolf. And to continue the list, we have multiple allegiance-reversals throughout the game, voice acting that is legendarily bad at times (I’m looking at you, Liquid…not that Snake himself is much less guilty of it), poor Otacon, Johnny Sasaki, the ghost pictures, and the whole *cue Jack Black in Tribute* “it was destinyyyy!” feel of the final boss fight. To end with a flourish, some questions that will never have an answer: why is Sniper Wolf the only one with an accent, when the other 3 members of Foxhound you meet are all Russian? Also, why does she look like a natural blonde when she’s supposedly a Kurd? And what the hell is “shalashaska”? Cuz it certainly ain’t in any Russian I know.

Regardless of what may appear as outright bashing, I’d say that playing Twin Snakes was something of an equivalent to watching a good ol’ Bond film, complete with Russian/Brit villains and a good ol’ nuclear plot: so much to make fun of, but so thoroughly entertaining at the same time. I’ll certainly be continuing with the series, and all my failings at action games be damned.

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Will Kill, Can't Swim

I’ve always been wary of action games, because I tend to think too much before acting, and was concerned that my reflexes wouldn’t be up to the task. However, as time went by, the “you won’t know until you try” credo grew on me, and I decided to expand my game collection with new genres. One of my friends pointed out that “you can’t own an Xbox 360 and not have played Assassin’s Creed”. Since the premise of the game already intrigued me, that finalized my decision.

The overall impression is a very favourable one. But I must say that both the storyline and characters left me with mixed feelings. Incarnating a skilled assassin during the Third Crusade plainly and simply rocks. Altair is undoubtedly one of the biggest highlights of the game. Maybe it’s just because I’m female—and therefore, you guessed it, find him scrumptiously shady—, but he really did the trick for me. The sleek moves, the sneakiness, the arrogance, the taciturnity, the beauty and symbolism of the name…heck, even the missing finger. There’s just one problem: why can’t a professional assassin swim? Seems a bit absurd to me…especially since I’m really not agile when it comes to hopping across poles and jetties, which resulted in my drowning poor Altair a countless number of times. But that’s just about his only drawback. However, since Altair isn’t the “real” hero of the game, that leaves us with Desmond, Altair’s descendent in modern times, as the main protagonist. And he has the charisma of a wet sock. Seriously, apart from the odd sarcastic quip, there isn’t a single interesting thing about him. And, yes, I know he’s supposed to look identical to Altair, but personality does go a long way, even for a fictional character, because Desmond feels like a complete doofus.

It’s pretty much the same issue with the storyline: the Medieval conspiracy works very well, and some of the assassinations are truly memorable. Garnier de Naplouse, the Hospitaller leader (second or third target, depending on the player’s choice), springs to mind: very convincingly unsettling, and the setting for his episode was well-nigh perfect. On top of all that, I like the sonorities of his name…My own weird tastes, I know. Moving right along, had they decided to make the Medieval part of the story stand on its own, I’m sure it would’ve worked just fine. The modern-day part just feels tacked on and uninteresting. Perhaps because it features Desmond. Perhaps because it’s simply innately boring.

Combat was my biggest dread in this game, for a good reason. The stealthy stuff, such as creeping up on an unsuspecting victim and swiftly sticking a knife in their back, came naturally enough. But open combat took some genuine work. I’m sure that it’s nothing too complicated for people who are used to this type of game, but I really had to give my reflexes a good shake to get used to the blocking and dodging. The beginning of the game had me spewing my guts quite a few times, which isn’t very impressive for a master assassin, as I’m sure you’ll concur. But it did progressively get better, I came to appreciate the various types of available weapons, and my swashbuckling skills were much more suited to Altair’s style by the end. Speaking of style, I must really commend the fluidity of the battle movements. When controlled correctly in open combat, Altair looks like he’s performing some sort of deadly dance…*drool*

The sandbox aspect of the game does its job well. It’s pretty fun to be able to clamber up just about anything (Solomon’s Temple in Jerusalem was a definite highlight), break pots and dive into haystacks. Scaling minarets and belfries to get an overview of the area and then swallow-diving off them is particularly impressive, especially for someone who’s afraid of heights, like me…The leap from the cross of the cathedral of Acre, which is the highest building in the game, was probably one of the scariest things I’ve ever experienced.

Other positive aspects include graphics and localization. The former are beautiful, luminous and lush (well, as lush as Medieval Palestine can be), and the latter impressed me quite a bit. Historical accuracy may have been doctored a bit—most of the assassination targets were real historical figures, but they weren’t quite as…colourful as in the game—, but the linguistics are masterful. Ubisoft is a Canadian company, so I guess it stands to reason that their French would be good, but it still felt weird to finally hear a proper French accent in an Anglo-Saxon game. Even random soldiers who spoke entirely in French (“Je vais t’étriper!”) were perfectly fluent. Same for the German, as far as I could tell. I can’t vouch for the Arabic, but it sounded genuine enough. The only thing that could’ve made it better would’ve been if Altair himself had an accent. But it’s just a minor nitpick.

However, there are more problems to mitigate the positive points a little. First of all, the beggar women who plague every city are the devil incarnate (“I’m poor and sick and hungry!”); if you don’t know what I mean, play the game, and you soon will. Secondly, a lot of people complain about the game’s repetitiveness, and while I found each assassination episode to be interesting enough to make up for the fact that you essentially had to do the same thing every time, I can understand how it can seem tedious. There are also quite a few glitches (think random NPCs in gravity-defying positions on rooftops), which give the game a bit of an unpolished feel. The music is adequate, but nothing more. And the ending is just bad. I understand that they wanted to tie it in with the upcoming Assassin’s Creed II, but it was probably a little excessive. It’s like the game didn’t end at all.

Nevertheless, in spite of these various issues, I’m still looking forward to the next installment in the series. Roaming across Renaissance Venice is going to be a blast. Even if it seems like Desmorond will be back, and that Ezio (not sure I like that name) looks a tad more gimmicky than Altair (experimental gun prototype? really? well, at least I hope he knows how to swim). But I ain’t gonna complain before I sample the goods.

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